It is understandable that people are curious. There are so many twins and multiples and most of the news stories and reality tv shows involve fertility treatment.
Rather than be insulted, just answer truthfully. Afterall, all kids are natural. My boys are mz, so I always respond “they are spontaneous twins”. Share only what you are comfortable with sharing.
I had my twins at age 49. I was deluded by the press (such as People Magazine) into thinking all older mothers could just have children. I tell complete strangers that they were conceived using in vitro. I like giving credit to modern medicine that I was able to have children at an advanced age.
I was very surprised to find out I was having identical girls and when I get asked the question, usually disguised as “Do twins run in your family?”, with “No, twins don’t run in my family so I was really shocked to find out I was having twins.” I usually follow-up with the fact that it is usually only fraternal twins that can be inherited.
When I get asked “If their natural”, I always tell people, “no we did in vitro”, and if they still bother me and I want to shut them up, I tell them “I was pregnate with quads and we reduced.” End of stupids questions.
Most of the time I’m pretty honest-I guess when mine are a little older, though, and can comprehend what we’re talking about, I’ll start to watch what I say.
My girls are three, and no one has ever asked me this question. The only thing that is ever asked is “Do they run in either of your families.” The answer is no and depending on the person, I might add and they were unplanned to begin with, so imagine my surprise! My daughters Madeline and Olivia are fraternal, and look quite a bit different. The only question that has annoyed me, only slightly, is “Are they identical?”
If one really thinks about it, asking questions as to conception is intrusive and while one does not want to be offensive in return, it is no one’s business, and the question does not need to be answered beyond a mere smile. My biggest concern is that in our endeavour to be polite, we may in fact end up causing unnecessary emotional trauma and confusion for a child who mistakenly overhears the conversation. Through the nature of my work, I have a number of dealings with women who undergo assisted conception and it is clear to me that the determination of life is not left in the hands of the fertility specialist but is a gift from God. If the fertility specialist was the main determinant, then there would be a execeptionally large number of children walking around who were the products of IVF etc We know this is not the case and that the success rates of the various reproductive technologies are very low.
Tracey-leigh
Comment by Tracey-leigh — January 30, 2008 @ 1:49 am
I agree and diagree with what Tracey-leigh wrote. Yes it is essentially up to God wheather or not a woman conceives and has a child, but you can not deny the fact that without the help of infertiliy specialists, their would be many childless couples. The success rates for reproductive technologies are not as low as you seem to think, otherwise how would you explain the abundance of higher order mutiplies? Higher order mutiplies conceived naturally are very rare. So I feel that the success rate for reproductive technologies are on the high side. When I went through IVF, I was given a 20-30% chance of twins and I ended up with quads. There is no way of knowing how many sets of twins came from higher order multplies due to reductions. Yes I believe in God and I believe that if I was willing to have the help and knowledge of infertility specialists, I was willing to take their advice and reduce my pregnancy. For I am thankful everyday to God for my very healthy, normal 10 yr. old twin boys. Also, you are correct, it is nobody’s business how they were conceived, but if people are gonna be nosey, I’ll give an earful.
It doesn’t bother me. If they ask I tell them yes they are “natural”. I have two sets so that always throws everyone off. The only question that bothers me is “are they ALL yours?” Um yeah! (i have 5 kids – 1 singleton and two sets of twins).
The first time someone asked if I had my 4 month old daughters “naturally” I answered, “No, I had them via c-section”, only to find that wasn’t what was being asked. Now when asked, I politely inform whomever is asking that yes, they were naturally conceived. It is human to be curious, and although it may come off as being intrusive, I don’t think people are trying to be malicious in asking.
People always ask –
“Are those twins?”
No I just hyjacked someone elses baby or bought a twin stroller for the fun of it!
Then of course
“Do twins run in your family” Well yes my hubby is a twin, but his MOM released two eggs, I don’t think she passed this on to me!!!
My favorite was the LVN at the fertility clinic who asked “wow, do twins run in your family”
HELLO, where am I!!!!!
Now alot of people ask who was first and how far apart. So one woman asked how far apart and I replied 30mins. She looked confused as many people do since the here a min or 2 for c-section babies. I thought this was the reason, but she ACTUALLY thought the were months apart!!! Yes, I held one in for an extra month cause I like being pregnant!!!! All this confusion over 1 lb difference and one with all the hair!
I have boy/girl twins, now 3 yrs old. I usually answer in one of 2 ways depending if I get the sense that they are religous or not.”Oh yeah, `Mother nature has a good sense of humor!” or”Be careful what you ask God, you just might get it!” My favorite ’stupid question’ is “Are they identical?” (my daughter is a redhead, my son a blond) whereby I say ‘only from the waist up!
I have fraternal twin girls age 20 now. Their father’s answer to “Are they twins?” was “No, they just happened to be born at the same time and on the same day” Duh!! My answer to “Are they identical” was “They just happened to look alot alike.”
I have 1 year old triplet daughters – and am asked this QUESTIONS all the time – quite often by strangers who have barely said hello to me. I think this is one of the rudest question to ask a mother – although I don’t think those who ask it are intending to be rude. However, it is like asking a woman: Do your ovaries work okay? Is your uterus healthy? Does your husband have any sperm? The answers to any of the questions is absolutely NOBODY’S business. If a mother wants to share that information – that is up to her to decide to whom and when. My answer usually starts with “Why do you ask?” At which point they realize it’s none of their business. Or I say “How could a child be unnatural?” I have also said to some rude salespeople who have asked – “Wow – that’s a really personal question!”
I am never offended because I think people don’t mean any harm, most are just curious. I used to wonder the same thing (but didn’t ask) about other multiples. I am always excited to tell my story because we conceived our triplets without any help…we actually didn’t even know we were going to have triplets until three weeks before they were born!
I am a twin, and when I was being pushed around in a stroller, my dad was asked if I was conceived naturally.
My dad’s answer? That I was concieved using a certain sexual position.
I have 6 year old twins, and i never can understand why mothers get offended by questions. They’re simply someone being curious (and perhaps a bit nosey) but they usually don’t mean any harm by it.
I always looked forward to answering questions. I think twins (and higher multiples) are a neat gift from God.
I was busy dealing with super preemie babies, i didn’t have time to worry about someone offending me. I guess i just didn’t have a chip on my shoulder like some women do…looking to be upset and offended at anything.
you can say (when they ask you if multiples run in your famuily)
“Yes they run all over the place”
Comment by AnnaMarie — November 15, 2008 @ 11:42 am
I have 16 mths twin girls. These guys were in separate sacs but lok so much alike.At the moment we are not sure whether they are identical or not.When ever someone asks if they are identical i just say No and that just confuses them more.They usually want to argue with me instead…….
Candice, I have to take note with your comment. I disagree that people who find the question uncomfortable or upsetting “have a chip on their shoulder… looking to be upset and offended at anything”.
The question is very intrusive – they wouldn’t ask which position a couple conceived their singleton in (assuming their child was not from ART).
The stigma implied by some nosey-parkers can be quite upsetting – not limited to but especially for some who underwent a heartbreaking journey to receive their gifts from God.
I started telling people a few weeks ago that we are having twins and I am still surprised that I get asked that question each and every time. (We did use a fertility specialist.) I agree with most here that it’s offensive and obtrusive – basically asking for your medical history, your husband’s sperm count, whatever. “Unnatural” also implies that there’s something wrong or less special with your babies. But my main concern is for my babies and what they hear, so I’m still working out my responses for after they’re born. My first priority is NOT educating the nosey/ignorant people of the world so I’ll probably go along with the moms here that have used the “none of your business” lines. I also like “Why do you ask?” – thanks for the suggestions, ladies!
Comment by babiesmama — January 30, 2009 @ 7:03 pm
I HATE this question! I think people ask so they can judge you, maany times you can see it in their eyes as they ask. It’s an extremely offensive question that they would never ask a singleton parent. I rarely share journey to carry healthly twins, I only share if I know the person really well, or know that they are having challenges and need to know it can happen.
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If we don’t know them we say yes they are, if it is someone we do know, we say with a little help, yes they are!
Comment by Beth — January 29, 2008 @ 9:15 am
It is understandable that people are curious. There are so many twins and multiples and most of the news stories and reality tv shows involve fertility treatment.
Rather than be insulted, just answer truthfully. Afterall, all kids are natural. My boys are mz, so I always respond “they are spontaneous twins”. Share only what you are comfortable with sharing.
Comment by Julie — January 29, 2008 @ 9:24 am
I had my twins at age 49. I was deluded by the press (such as People Magazine) into thinking all older mothers could just have children. I tell complete strangers that they were conceived using in vitro. I like giving credit to modern medicine that I was able to have children at an advanced age.
Comment by Julie — January 29, 2008 @ 10:32 am
I was very surprised to find out I was having identical girls and when I get asked the question, usually disguised as “Do twins run in your family?”, with “No, twins don’t run in my family so I was really shocked to find out I was having twins.” I usually follow-up with the fact that it is usually only fraternal twins that can be inherited.
Comment by Erin — January 29, 2008 @ 2:50 pm
When I get asked “If their natural”, I always tell people, “no we did in vitro”, and if they still bother me and I want to shut them up, I tell them “I was pregnate with quads and we reduced.” End of stupids questions.
Comment by reynosa — January 29, 2008 @ 6:11 pm
Most of the time I’m pretty honest-I guess when mine are a little older, though, and can comprehend what we’re talking about, I’ll start to watch what I say.
Comment by rachel — January 29, 2008 @ 9:35 pm
My girls are three, and no one has ever asked me this question. The only thing that is ever asked is “Do they run in either of your families.” The answer is no and depending on the person, I might add and they were unplanned to begin with, so imagine my surprise! My daughters Madeline and Olivia are fraternal, and look quite a bit different. The only question that has annoyed me, only slightly, is “Are they identical?”
Comment by Valencia — January 30, 2008 @ 12:21 am
If one really thinks about it, asking questions as to conception is intrusive and while one does not want to be offensive in return, it is no one’s business, and the question does not need to be answered beyond a mere smile. My biggest concern is that in our endeavour to be polite, we may in fact end up causing unnecessary emotional trauma and confusion for a child who mistakenly overhears the conversation. Through the nature of my work, I have a number of dealings with women who undergo assisted conception and it is clear to me that the determination of life is not left in the hands of the fertility specialist but is a gift from God. If the fertility specialist was the main determinant, then there would be a execeptionally large number of children walking around who were the products of IVF etc We know this is not the case and that the success rates of the various reproductive technologies are very low.
Tracey-leigh
Comment by Tracey-leigh — January 30, 2008 @ 1:49 am
I agree and diagree with what Tracey-leigh wrote. Yes it is essentially up to God wheather or not a woman conceives and has a child, but you can not deny the fact that without the help of infertiliy specialists, their would be many childless couples. The success rates for reproductive technologies are not as low as you seem to think, otherwise how would you explain the abundance of higher order mutiplies? Higher order mutiplies conceived naturally are very rare. So I feel that the success rate for reproductive technologies are on the high side. When I went through IVF, I was given a 20-30% chance of twins and I ended up with quads. There is no way of knowing how many sets of twins came from higher order multplies due to reductions. Yes I believe in God and I believe that if I was willing to have the help and knowledge of infertility specialists, I was willing to take their advice and reduce my pregnancy. For I am thankful everyday to God for my very healthy, normal 10 yr. old twin boys. Also, you are correct, it is nobody’s business how they were conceived, but if people are gonna be nosey, I’ll give an earful.
Comment by reynosa — January 30, 2008 @ 2:18 am
It doesn’t bother me. If they ask I tell them yes they are “natural”. I have two sets so that always throws everyone off. The only question that bothers me is “are they ALL yours?” Um yeah! (i have 5 kids – 1 singleton and two sets of twins).
Comment by Kim — January 30, 2008 @ 12:52 pm
The first time someone asked if I had my 4 month old daughters “naturally” I answered, “No, I had them via c-section”, only to find that wasn’t what was being asked. Now when asked, I politely inform whomever is asking that yes, they were naturally conceived. It is human to be curious, and although it may come off as being intrusive, I don’t think people are trying to be malicious in asking.
Comment by HawaiianMommy — January 30, 2008 @ 1:10 pm
People always ask –
“Are those twins?”
No I just hyjacked someone elses baby or bought a twin stroller for the fun of it!
Then of course
“Do twins run in your family” Well yes my hubby is a twin, but his MOM released two eggs, I don’t think she passed this on to me!!!
My favorite was the LVN at the fertility clinic who asked “wow, do twins run in your family”
HELLO, where am I!!!!!
Comment by Susan — January 30, 2008 @ 4:56 pm
One more stupid question.
Now alot of people ask who was first and how far apart. So one woman asked how far apart and I replied 30mins. She looked confused as many people do since the here a min or 2 for c-section babies. I thought this was the reason, but she ACTUALLY thought the were months apart!!! Yes, I held one in for an extra month cause I like being pregnant!!!! All this confusion over 1 lb difference and one with all the hair!
Comment by Susan — January 30, 2008 @ 5:07 pm
I have boy/girl twins, now 3 yrs old. I usually answer in one of 2 ways depending if I get the sense that they are religous or not.”Oh yeah, `Mother nature has a good sense of humor!” or”Be careful what you ask God, you just might get it!” My favorite ’stupid question’ is “Are they identical?” (my daughter is a redhead, my son a blond) whereby I say ‘only from the waist up!
Comment by Annick — February 2, 2008 @ 4:37 pm
I have fraternal twin girls age 20 now. Their father’s answer to “Are they twins?” was “No, they just happened to be born at the same time and on the same day” Duh!! My answer to “Are they identical” was “They just happened to look alot alike.”
Comment by Greta — February 8, 2008 @ 2:59 pm
NO they are plastic.
Comment by Diane — February 15, 2008 @ 5:03 pm
I have 1 year old triplet daughters – and am asked this QUESTIONS all the time – quite often by strangers who have barely said hello to me. I think this is one of the rudest question to ask a mother – although I don’t think those who ask it are intending to be rude. However, it is like asking a woman: Do your ovaries work okay? Is your uterus healthy? Does your husband have any sperm? The answers to any of the questions is absolutely NOBODY’S business. If a mother wants to share that information – that is up to her to decide to whom and when. My answer usually starts with “Why do you ask?” At which point they realize it’s none of their business. Or I say “How could a child be unnatural?” I have also said to some rude salespeople who have asked – “Wow – that’s a really personal question!”
Comment by Theresa — April 18, 2008 @ 12:45 am
I am never offended because I think people don’t mean any harm, most are just curious. I used to wonder the same thing (but didn’t ask) about other multiples. I am always excited to tell my story because we conceived our triplets without any help…we actually didn’t even know we were going to have triplets until three weeks before they were born!
Comment by Lori — April 24, 2008 @ 9:40 am
I am a twin, and when I was being pushed around in a stroller, my dad was asked if I was conceived naturally.
My dad’s answer? That I was concieved using a certain sexual position.
Comment by Alli — June 23, 2008 @ 9:20 pm
I have 6 year old twins, and i never can understand why mothers get offended by questions. They’re simply someone being curious (and perhaps a bit nosey) but they usually don’t mean any harm by it.
I always looked forward to answering questions. I think twins (and higher multiples) are a neat gift from God.
I was busy dealing with super preemie babies, i didn’t have time to worry about someone offending me. I guess i just didn’t have a chip on my shoulder like some women do…looking to be upset and offended at anything.
Comment by Candice — October 27, 2008 @ 3:35 am
you can say (when they ask you if multiples run in your famuily)
“Yes they run all over the place”
Comment by AnnaMarie — November 15, 2008 @ 11:42 am
I have 16 mths twin girls. These guys were in separate sacs but lok so much alike.At the moment we are not sure whether they are identical or not.When ever someone asks if they are identical i just say No and that just confuses them more.They usually want to argue with me instead…….
Comment by Thandiwe — December 26, 2008 @ 6:52 am
Candice, I have to take note with your comment. I disagree that people who find the question uncomfortable or upsetting “have a chip on their shoulder… looking to be upset and offended at anything”.
The question is very intrusive – they wouldn’t ask which position a couple conceived their singleton in (assuming their child was not from ART).
The stigma implied by some nosey-parkers can be quite upsetting – not limited to but especially for some who underwent a heartbreaking journey to receive their gifts from God.
Comment by Katie — January 20, 2009 @ 7:12 pm
I started telling people a few weeks ago that we are having twins and I am still surprised that I get asked that question each and every time. (We did use a fertility specialist.) I agree with most here that it’s offensive and obtrusive – basically asking for your medical history, your husband’s sperm count, whatever. “Unnatural” also implies that there’s something wrong or less special with your babies. But my main concern is for my babies and what they hear, so I’m still working out my responses for after they’re born. My first priority is NOT educating the nosey/ignorant people of the world so I’ll probably go along with the moms here that have used the “none of your business” lines. I also like “Why do you ask?” – thanks for the suggestions, ladies!
Comment by babiesmama — January 30, 2009 @ 7:03 pm
I HATE this question! I think people ask so they can judge you, maany times you can see it in their eyes as they ask. It’s an extremely offensive question that they would never ask a singleton parent. I rarely share journey to carry healthly twins, I only share if I know the person really well, or know that they are having challenges and need to know it can happen.
Comment by Barbara — September 19, 2009 @ 9:35 pm